Harbouring a grudge?
The renowned author of Forgive and Forget, Lewis B. Smedes quote on forgiveness says "To forgive is to set a prisoner free and then discover that prisoner was you."
How to forgive is one area we can learn from children who are full of forgiveness and don't harbour bad feelings for very long. So learn to be more like a child, forgive yourself first then forgive others.
We all make mistakes in life, it is part of learning and growing but when it comes to dealing with others who make mistakes that affect us in some way, we don't always have the skills to be forgiving. If someone makes a conscious choice to deliberately hurt or deceive you it is usually because they believe you deserve to learn a lesson, so they justify the behaviour and execute. The real lesson here is, you have to be a friend to have a friend and the truth is, loyalty, respect, consideration and trust have no need of forgiveness.
If you are spending your life harbouring a grudge that is all consuming because someone you believed you trusted betrayed you, it is important you take a non emotional look at the whole situation. There are always two sides to a story. Of course if a complete stranger comes along and does something random to hurt you, forgiveness is almost impossible but never say never. If your husband or wife has had a secret affair behind your back recognize acceptance and forgiveness are not always synonymous.
The key to forgiveness is learning how to let go and forget.
Anything you hold on to that is negative eventually eats away at your truth, fed by your own interpretation will leave you with a clouded perspective and then projecting that clouded perspective on others, i.e. gossiping, expands it further and reinforces it in your own mind.
So you want to get even.
Venus Cow says, "Shut up and start to listen with an open mind and without judging. Then work out objectively if what you have to lose is worth saving or if you need to make a clean break. "
It's time to write a confession, something you harbour deep in the vaults of your own history. Taking personal responsibility for the chaos and your part in it, you will feel sorry and then be able to forgive yourself. Learn to forgive others by recognizing you are part of everything that happens to you, even being in the wrong place at the wrong time. When you are freed from something that holds you back, you will feel the power of forgiveness and learn to fly. Once you forgive yourself for your part in whatever went wrong, blame will shift and forgiveness for the perpetrator of the pain in your mind will follow.
We have all felt the desire to get even. However getting even does not always mean you get balance, two wrongs never make a right, only being centred guarantees that. So don’t get even, get centred and be grateful and empowered you are able to rise above blaming.
If you want to ease the burden of a grudge harboured, the only way out, is through.
Photo by: Loren Joseph