If I had a pound for every girl who has said to me in talk therapy, "I just want to be a princess for a day"
They say the difference between tragedy and comedy is time. We've all heard men joke about the old ball and chain or her in doors, the Mrs. Most people who are married or have been married struggle to find a good thing to say about it. We've all laughed at a joke about a long suffering wife or hen pecked husband. So why even when we receive wise counsel or have had personal experience ourselves the truth about the fairytale wedding often eludes us. The collective subconscious like the idea even though the facts don't support the delusion.
The divorce rate in America for first marriage is 41%
The divorce rate in America for second marriage is 60%
The divorce rate in America for third marriage is 73%, so surely we have to agree maybe marriage is becoming an old fashioned ancient ritual that no longer works in this modern day and age.
When we look at all the fairytales in books, it is interesting how the fairytale always ends at the wedding. They never tell us that getting married is just the beginning. And the happy ever after bit takes real hard work and commitment.
I have a different much more realistic view of marriage, basically a legal contract binding you and your material wealth and possessions to another person. And in some cultures polygamous marriage is permitted and a marriage can mean relinquishing the power to make decisions for yourself foregoing that right to your partner, perhaps why some couples have a marriage contract or pre nuptual agreement before the wedding day.
I have been married more than once at different stages in my life to completely different people from different countries and ethinicities, totally different backgrounds so I can speak from a position of experience. Marriage is not like getting a new puppy to play with, it requires constant work and keeping communication open means taking time out to work on the relationship and lots of patience. It is a two way street and you have to compromise your own needs sometimes to take on the needs of someone else. It seems the divorce rate has increased because people (as a whole) are becoming weaker, less inclined to sacrifice their desires and thus commitment is becoming obsolete in favor of the quick fix.
People are driven to marry by tradition. Think about the negative connotations of being unmarried, lonely bachelor, old spinster left on the shelf. The sexual passion or an ultimatum usually closes the deal for men, security, desire to have children and being taken care of for women.
I have never in my 65 years on the planet heard a man say they proposed for the magic of love but more for the sex. And women mostly in a hurry not for the companionship or to attract the perfect life partner, ususally never dating long enough before pinning him up against the wall and jumping in head first.
Is it the institution that is at fault (marriage) or is it the people who have placed so little investment in it? Whatever the right answer to that question turns out to be for you, those who are cynical about marriage shouldn’t get married.
Photo by: Dmitry Vechorko Unsplash