I am and always will be capable of drinking a drunk under the table, after being brought up in poverty by a tough as old boots Glaswegian alcoholic mother and a workaholic father, so alcoholism in all its many guises is right up my street and a destructive behaviour pattern I now teach others about. The very nature of alcohol and it's effects makes the challenge of controlling something that when imbided reduces your capacity to think clearly, even greater and why giving up completely for a while if not for ever is the only course of treatment for those addicted.

I have been pretty much tee total for the past 10 years, (today almost 20 years) after a lifetime partying, boozing and generally living my life in the dangerous but fun filled choppy waters of the dark side, that was until I discovered how to master controlled indulgence. I do believe it is very difficult for anyone to help or understand an alcoholic unless you have been there yourself.

Through my own talk therapy practise I was able to change the way I thought about my old lifestyle in order to see it in a different way from a more clear, less cloudy place and soon began to truly shed light on why I was able to con myself into thinking I was having a good time boozing, when in fact I was dissatified and blocking it all out. After a lifetime of horrible hangovers, always getting over or looking forward to a drink and no real memory of the good times I had had I went cold turkey which many argue is impossible but I had made up my mind. When you’re intoxicated, everything becomes a blur. I made the decision I wanted to be at my best, doing my best. Ironically now I actually hate the idea of not having any memory.

Life is such a great experience when you live it every day moment to moment in the present and don't take it for granted. In reality everyday could be your last, so wasting it on being wasted, makes no sense what so ever.

I am at a place where I know myself and completely trust myself to make good decisions for me. I recently shared a really good bottle of white Burgundy over lunch with a friend, about two large glasses each and although it tasted very good at the time, I paid for it later with a persistent, dull pain in my head that even two neurophens wouldn't shift.

In my old life I would've never stopped at just two glasses or two cocktails, we all know this level of alcohol is not enough to give the desired buzz and always leaves you feeling rough with a headache. Perhaps why constant guzzling, like for so many others, became the only way to enjoy drinking for me.

I always say, if you cannot imagine having a good time without alcohol, you are addicted, potentially depressed and without a doubt missing out on living your life to the full. Ask yourself the questions "why do I drink to excess? why do I drink every day?" and then honestly answer because this will give you the reason why you’re miserable and also what you need to change in order to be fulfilled, happy and not reliant on booze to give you a fake high. If you cannot come up with the answer change the question "why do I want to do myself harm?"

I am flexible these days, loving myself, taking care of myself and no longer a slave to my own pattern behaviour. The rythym of my life gently and calmly ebbs and flows, I prefer the knowing to the searching and the only thing I do daily now is go nuts.

Photo by: Nick Fewings Unsplash