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Venus Cow Admin / Saturday, November 7, 2015 / Categories: Life Coaching, Mental Health

Denial

Denial keeps you stuck in a rut.

We are all guilty of telling little white lies in order to convince others we are in control of our lives or to get things we think we need, regardless of the consequences but our big problems come when we start telling lies to ourselves in order to make us look more exciting or successful without actually doing some work. For instance when we meet someone who we don’t know, someone new, we tend to want to impress and make a good impression, especially when it comes to attracting the opposite sex.

No point in telling someone you fancy, you love to go deep sea diving because it is his passion, when in truth you cannot swim and hate getting your hair wet, sooner or later you will be exposed and humiliated when he books a diving holiday for you both.

Pretending to be something you are not, in order to get what you want in the moment will leave you a stranger to yourself, as well as lonely and unhappy. We are what we are and our truth is all we have, so it makes sense if you want to be truly happy to never lie, especially to yourself.

How many times have you heard a very fat person say “I don’t understand why I am so big, I hardly eat anything” or “ I am rather unlucky really, being fat runs in the family. It's genetic.”

This is called denial and that is not a river in Egypt. We all know someone their problem is all their own fault but they just can't see it or refuse to admit it.

Creating a second life where you are able to be the fantastic fabulous perfect person you dream about is not sustainable and might give you an instant result in the moment but eventually you will always end up back at square one with the life you are stuck with and not the life you want.

The truth is universal and may not always be pretty or impressive but at least you can be sure if you are brave and tell someone something that is honest, open and truthful and you still get the positive outcome you desire, happiness will automatically follow.

Better to be alone than wish you were alone.

Go to your journal and make a list of all the massive lies you have told in your life then face your own truth head on. Cringing and feeling bad is part of the process of change. By taking some personal responsibility for the devastation your lying may have caused others will not feel good in the moment but will be cathartic in the long term as well as make you think twice before you ever do it again.

If your truth is you are lazy, not in control of your choices, you expect results without doing any work and believe life owes you living, it is common sense you will end up a miserable liar, very few people have the guts to own their terrible choices. We are all in control of our own destiny and what we put out to others we get back in return, so chances are if you lie to get what you want, what you get back will also be a lie. The secret to getting what you want is to still want it after you have got it which take more work I am afraid.

It takes courage to admit you are not brave enough to face your own truth and courage comes from not caring about what others think. By telling the truth, i.e. I am fat because I eat too much or I am a drunk because I drink too much, is the first step to making massive changes in the way you think about yourself. Once you say it, admit it and face it, you cannot in truth then deny it any longer. The key is taking back control of your truth in order to make better personal choices. If you want to live a long healthy happy life, never at the doctors, you have to want it more than you want an instant fix. Over indulgence in anything can become a fatal addiction, be it smoking, drinking, sex, shopping, eating, getting high, all things we have been programmed to believe are the secret to making us happy, when in fact we are ashamed, so much so, we lie about it.

Don’t give up on yourself give up your bad habit of lying to yourself instead.

Photo by: Nikolay Smirnov Unsplash

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